Nuclear family as a concept started about a 3 decades ago. It was more of compulsion at the initial times. The husband had a job outside the home town and had to get the wife and kids along. The family lived as a nuclear unit intermittently uniting with the larger family.
Now with passing years, it is more of a choice now. Reason behind is the need for independence and autonomy in decision making.
It started with the separation of the male siblings after marriage. This separation was more of a rescue from everyday family quarrels.
Eventually the concept of independent and ‘Zero Interference Couple Life’ was seen in the last decade.
There were a lot of advantages to the nuclear couples over the disadvantages :--
ADVANTAGES
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Autonomy
Living as a nuclear family unit comes with a very big advantage of capacity of taking autonomous decisions. The new couple might want to set up their home according to their own taste. Ranging from curtain to furniture. It also gets autonomy in the way life has to be conducted. Example is socializing, outings, guests, eating habits etc. This planning is more a part of the dream a woman weaves from her growing years. She fantasizes minute details of how her marriage home will be. Especially during the courtship days. For men, it is more like a add-on. Although some men do plan their new life, but mostly just fantasize about a new member coming in the same home.
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Availability of Couple time
The nuclear family set up offers much more couple time as there are no daily rituals of larger family connection. Also since the larger family does not exist so there are lesser direct responsibilities to cater to. Hence there is a greater time available
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Creative living
The new couple in a nuclear family also gets a chance to establish newer ways to conduct their lives. They get an opportunity to create their own rituals, customs and value systems in their family. They can creatively mix their respective family cultures and form a new refined culture.
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Interdependency creates better bond
Being interdependent brings a great deal of warmth and intimacy. When parents and larger family is not around, they have no other choice but to depend on each other to carry on everyday life chores.
DISADVANTAGES
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Lesser logistical support
Unlike the joint family set-up the nuclear couple doesn’t have the other family members to support in basic household tasks like cooking, home maintenance, child care etc. Although everything can be managed by financial resources but there will be always a difference in personal warmth and the task. A family member would have the needed ownership which a paid resource may have.
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Loss of culture and values
Every joint family system passes the heritage of family values which are practices since ages. And there are always some unique features in all the different family cultures. All such core features get lost somewhere when people opt for nuclear family set-up.
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Comparative Loneliness
A couple in a nuclear family is seen as a separate isolated unit. More because todays times demand both couple to work for financial requirements. If either or both the couple are not having time and energy to mingle or go for family reunions, the couple slowly moves towards living a shell life.
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No immediate support in rocky phases
Amongst core advantages of the joint family set-up is immediate support in moments of emergency. Also there certain times when either or both the couple might need emotional support which may be they are not able to provide to each other. Also if they are themselves going through a rough phase in the marriage, the larger family could have automatically sensed and intervened. Here in the nuclear set-up there is a very little possibility that they get a preventive intervention, unless the matter is really worse.
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No access to life wisdom
While people are young they misperceive the views of elders as orthodox. Still a lot of views of elders are a summary of their personal life experiences. Being away from elders deprives the new couple from getting benefitted from such great pieces of wisdom.
Although all the above might to be true in all the cases. No two human, and lives can be alike. So any permutation is possible. So it is not a conformity that if the couple lives as a nuclear family, they will face the above advantages and disadvantages. There can be a mix of advantages of disadvantages in different cases.
CREATING EXCEPTIONS
Having a right understanding is the key. Depending what is the critical requirement of a couple, a couple must decide on going for the option.
If a couple is well united and works on the principle of utmost trust and love, being in a joint family set up always can be beneficial. But sometimes even one of the partners is not having the bent of mind to live in the joint family. Here it is important to understand each other completely, giving full awareness and being completely transparent about self. This can make the couple do well in the joint family also. Majorly if the both the couple are able to establish autonomy in their respective families, there is least possibility of any suppression of interests.
Even incase the couple decides to live in the nuclear family, if right perception and right connection is made with the larger families, there can a better bond. Short and sweet reunions can be the best way to keep the family ties intact.
All the living species believe in group living only because it is always advantageous. Only difference humans must remember is follow realistically what works good for them and assertively and lovingly help elders to understand and support them. And work towards keeping the objectivity of love in mind.
This article written by
Dr Kamal Khurana working in The Counselling Institute as Relationship &
Family Counselor Expert.
