How To Strengthen Your Relationship

The divorce quantitative relation straight away is 1:2. that's implausibly ridiculous. sadly, identical quantitative relation goes for Christian couples, which might be found as quite unhappy considering Christians area unit purported to be the instance. Yes, there area unit legit reasons to why a handful ought to divorce, however WHO honestly needs to urge married then finish it in divorce? the solution isn't terribly several. What area unit some ways in which to assist improve your relationship together with your spouse? let's have a look at.

Through statistics, it's been found that a husband and spouse World Health Organization pray along stay for much longer with a quantitative relation of 1:1,025. that's method higher than 1:2. therefore women and gentleman, I recommend prayer be placed in your matrimonial life daily, whether or not it's before preparing for the day or right before bed at the hours of darkness. This praying along ought to be fully set except for the praying before meals. though it's completely extraordinary your family will that, this sort of praying doesn't bring out the trust, respect, love, honesty, and appreciation which will be brought from praying along in your personal time.

Another good thing to try and do is have a date night. If you have got youngsters, depart for an evening a minimum of once each time period and send them to grandparents or trusty friends for an evening or few. tho' attempt to have some alone time and watch a motion-picture show with alternative|one another} whereas the youngsters area unit asleep or demonstrate your love for every other a minimum of one or a handful times per week. kids area unit an oversized priority, however do not place them on top of your domestic partner. Your kids area unit within the home for a restricted time, however your domestic partner is there by your facet for the remainder of your life. If you do not have youngsters, then have a date night a minimum of once per week. Remember, having a date doesn't need going the house or pin money, simply enjoying being along and displaying in your own ways in which why you're therefore blessed to possess your domestic partner.

If time can not be found, you're possibly prioritizing one thing that ought to not go on top of your family however particularly your domestic partner. What during this world may probably be a lot of vital than your family? If you create all the money within the world however haven't any one to share It with, it isn't worthwhile. Your family can share love which will ne'er be received through material things. Yes, you'll need the ups and downs. there'll continuously be the professionals and also the cons, however is not florescence your relationship together with your domestic partner a lot of fun and fulfilling than look from a replacement 52 in. television? you would possibly wish to mention affirmative.

Another Post You May Like:

How To Strengthen Your Relationship

The family lived as a nuclear

Space and privacy in your relationship

Revive The Spark In Your Marriage

Read More

Complete Solution to Solve Your Daily Marriage Issues

Stop wasting your time in praying to god for solving your marriage problems because now solution is absolutely in your hand. You can solve your marriage problems by your own by just following some simple steps and rules of marriage life. Visit any psychiatrist or reputed marriage counselors for getting the best ideas of maintaining a happy marriage life.

Proper understanding maintenance with your partner

If you want to save your happy married life, then you need to maintain healthy understanding level with your soul mate. Fix up some scheduled time in a day so that you can share or exchange your entire day’s work experience and other activities. Before expressing your sentiments or feelings try to understand your partner’s feelings. Try to provide him good mental support in case he is depressed. Rather than quarrelling with each other try to solve each other’s problem by sharing effective solutions. Only healthy discussions can lead to a proper solution which not only help you to avoid unnecessary mess but also helps you to maintain peaceful environment.

Proper realization of the responsibilities

In order to maintain absolute peace, you need to sit with your partner for deciding your individual responsibilities towards your family and social life. You can sit and discuss in a cool mind and can list your social and family life responsibilities on the basis of mutual consent. On performing both of your respective duties and responsibilities sincerely, you can have no chaos peeping into your relationship. You also need to solve your children related issues with proper discussion. Do not unnecessarily expect too much from your partner, kindly give him enough space in order to maintain healthy married relationship.

Concentration on trust builds up

Trust might be a very small term but it has a great significance in a married life. The marriage experts also sometimes consider this term as the perfect synonym of love. Love is the foundation or backbone of each and every relationship in this world which gives birth to trust. This trust is very much important for maintaining the proper warmth of a relationship. This is one of the most beautiful gifts of god which occupies a special position in human heart. If you have enough trust on your own love then only your relationship with your partner will go a long way. Nowadays, most of the people are really very confused in between true love and sexual intimacy. But as a matter of fact, love is absolute compassion. You should always try to maintain proper trust among each other in order to save your married life. 

Proper maintenance of patience and understandability

You must always try to respect each other’s feelings, emotions and decisions. All individuals are not equal and their mental frequencies might not match with each other but it is your sole duty to keep proper patience and understand your partner’s problems. You must always encourage your partner in all his activities so that he can feel the warmth of your mental support. You uncooperative and impatient attitude might hurt his emotions and your marriage life can be badly affected by this. This is not only harmful for your married life but sometimes it also provides a very bad impact on your children’s life. Try to sacrifice your desires, needs and happiness for the sake of the happiness of your soul mate.

Another Articles You May Like - 

7 Techniques To Strengthen Your Relationship

Complete Solution to your Marriage Problems

Best Secrets to Fix Your Marriage Problems

Revive The Spark In Your Marriage

About Author : Dr Kamal is the founder of THE COUNSELLING INSTITUTE which is dedicated to provide people with skills for creating a positive and fulfilling life.  He have a good media presence to resolve relationship and marriage issues.

Read More

How To Strengthen Your Relationship

If you want to fix up all your marriage problems then you need to follow some expert tips suggested by majority marriage counselors.

Addition of some zing

As per the advices of some classical marriage experts, if you want to hold healthy marriage relationship then you have to add some more flavors to your married life to make it more hot and spicy. You can follow various effective means for maintaining the same attraction effects between you and your partner even after several years of marriage life.

Avoiding unnecessary conflicts

Start sorting out the misunderstandings at an early stage for avoiding unnecessary chaos or conflicts. Try to maintain your anger and patience level by means of yoga practices for getting effective results in your marriage life. Even if your partner is shouting at you, keep your mind cool rather try to calm him down in a pleasant manner. Always admit your own faults and be a bit submissive for controlling the situation temporarily.

Choosing the right place and time

You must choose your words very carefully while delivering your thoughts and ideas to your partner. You always need to understand the place, time and situation and have to communicate accordingly. try to control your emotions and anger even you are in a very bad mood. Always try to give priority to his feelings, emotions and moods. You need to read and understand their needs very well in order to conduct activities as per their preferences.

Better understanding of emotions

You always need to understand their need and emotions. You will never do anything which can hurt their individual feelings and emotions. Try to give respect to their decisions and always avoid insult, criticism, bullying and blaming. If your partner does not like any particular discussion then do not argue and immediately stop or change the discussion. This is one of the most effective means of avoiding unnecessary mess.

Showing love, respect and care

If you want to fix up your marriage and want to stretch it for a longer period then you need to show proper love, respect and care towards your soul mates. You can list their likings and can act accordingly for making them feel the warmth of your love and affection. Try to maintain a proper balance of your boredom, everyday irritations and frustrations. Try to follow the path of forgiveness as this is one of the most powerful weapons of fixing up successful marriages. Make your spouse feel that he is the most prior thing of your life and you are ready to do anything and everything for his happiness.

Maintenance of healthy sexual life

Though sex is not everything in a married life but it is one of the most essential aspects of a happy married life. One of the easiest ways of making your spouse happy is to make him satisfied sexually. As per the marriage experts, proper sexual intimacy can keep apart most of the married life problems. Only a happy and pleasure filled sexual interaction between the married couples can make them free from all kinds of social, family or professional stress and provides them utmost relaxation. 

Another Post You May Like:

9 Master Suggestions to True Happiness

Is Your Relationship the Right Mix of Intimacy?

Complete Solution to your Marriage Problems

How To Strengthen Your Relationship

Read More

How To Strengthen Your Relationship

Before going ahead with anything in life, wait and think which the most important thing in your life is. If you want to strengthen any relationship of your life, then you also need to sacrifice your happiness for your loved ones. Nowadays, maximum psychiatrists or councilors suggest people about this solution. There are 7 main techniques which are quite useful in strengthening your relationship with your loved ones.

Sharing of love and happiness

There is a very traditional say that if you share your happiness that will increase and if you share somebody’s sorrow that will automatically decrease. In each and every relationship, this is one of the most vital things which should be essentially followed by all without any fail. If you truly love somebody, then you should have the spirit to do anything and everything for your lovable one.

Application of the powerful tool of forgiveness

Forgiveness in one of the strongest tool for strengthening any relationship of your life as it is much more powerful than anger. This is one of kind of art of human nature of showing respect to any intimate or love relationship. You always need to remember that nobody is absolutely perfect in this world and mistakes are a part of life. You can hate the mistake but never hate the wrongdoer.

Maintenance of effective communication

Only effective communication can lead to a healthy relationship. You should never say anything to your loved ones which might heart their emotions. You need to select your words very carefully before communicating with your loved ones. You need to suppress your anger and emotions in order to make them happy. 

Maintenance of flexibility in relationship

You must always maintain proper flexibility and transparency in your relationship with your loved ones. You should share all your feelings, secrets and emotions with them in order to make them comfortable. You will always try to solve all those problems which are highly bothering for them. You will always make 100% personal level efforts to solve all the misunderstandings between you and your loved ones.

Creation of fun environment

Life is absolutely wastage without fun and entertainment and you need to take personal initiative to make your loved ones always happy and entertained. You will never do anything that might hurt them rather you will take care of all their liking and disliking. You can apply different entertainment means or tricks for making their mood light and joyful.

Healthy relationship maintenance

You must maintain a very strong bonding with your near and dear ones so that no third party can take the advantage of spoiling your relationship. Try to trust your loved ones and give proper respect to their feelings and decisions. Try to fill up all the gaps of your relationship with plenty of love and trust. Your never ending efforts will only help them to understand your love and care for them. This self-realization is very much important for any relationship.

Essentiality of moment sharing

Try to spend most of the time of your life with your lovable dear ones in order to make them comfortable. This will also help you to know each other in a better way and will definitely help you to sort out all your personal problems.

About Author : Dr Khurana is the founder of THE COUNSELLING INSTITUTE which is dedicated to provide people with skills for creating a positive and fulfilling life.

Join me with Linkedin

Read More

The family lived as a nuclear

Nuclear family as a concept started about a 3 decades ago. It was more of compulsion at the initial times. The husband had a job outside the home town and had to get the wife and kids along. The family lived as a nuclear unit intermittently uniting with the larger family.

Now with passing years, it is more of a choice now. Reason behind is the need for independence and autonomy in decision making.

It started with the separation of the male siblings after marriage. This separation was more of a   rescue from everyday family quarrels.

Eventually the concept of independent and ‘Zero Interference Couple Life’ was seen in the last decade.

There were a lot of advantages to the nuclear couples over the disadvantages :--

ADVANTAGES

•    Autonomy
Living as a nuclear family unit comes with a very big advantage of capacity of taking autonomous decisions. The new couple might want to set up their home according to their own taste. Ranging from curtain to furniture. It also gets autonomy in the way life has to be conducted. Example is socializing, outings, guests, eating habits etc. This planning is more a part of the dream a woman weaves from her growing years. She fantasizes minute details of how her marriage home will be. Especially during the courtship days. For men, it is more like a add-on. Although some men do plan their new life, but mostly just fantasize about a new member coming in the same home.

•    Availability of Couple time
The nuclear family set up offers much more couple time as there are no daily rituals of larger family connection. Also since the larger family does not exist so there are lesser direct responsibilities to cater to. Hence there is a greater time available

•    Creative living
The new couple in a nuclear family also gets a chance to establish newer ways to conduct their lives. They get an opportunity to create their own rituals, customs and value systems in their family. They can creatively mix their respective family cultures and form a new refined culture.


•    Interdependency creates better bond 
Being interdependent brings a great deal of warmth and intimacy. When parents and larger family is not around, they have no other choice but to depend on each other to carry on everyday life chores.

DISADVANTAGES

•    Lesser logistical support
Unlike the joint family set-up the nuclear couple doesn’t have the other family members to support in basic household tasks like cooking, home maintenance, child care etc. Although everything can be managed by financial resources but there will be always a difference in personal warmth and the task. A family member would have the needed ownership which a paid resource may have.

•    Loss of culture and values
Every joint family system passes the heritage of family values which are practices since ages. And there are always some unique features in all the different family cultures. All such core features get lost somewhere when people opt for nuclear family set-up.

•    Comparative Loneliness
A couple in a nuclear family is seen as a separate isolated unit. More because todays times demand both couple to work for financial requirements. If either or both the couple are not having time and energy to mingle or go for family reunions, the couple slowly moves towards living a shell life.

•    No immediate support in rocky phases
Amongst core advantages of the joint family set-up is immediate support in moments of emergency. Also there certain times when either or both the couple might need emotional support which may be they are not able to provide to each other. Also if they are themselves going through a rough phase in the marriage, the larger family could have automatically sensed and intervened. Here in the nuclear set-up there is a very little possibility that they get a preventive intervention, unless the matter is really worse.

•    No access to life wisdom
While people are young they misperceive the views of elders as orthodox. Still a lot of views of elders are a summary of their personal life experiences. Being away from elders deprives the new couple from getting benefitted from such great pieces of wisdom.
Although all the above might to be true in all the cases. No two human, and lives can be alike. So any permutation is possible. So it is not a conformity that if the couple lives as a nuclear family, they will face the above advantages and disadvantages. There can be a mix of advantages of disadvantages in different cases.  

CREATING EXCEPTIONS
Having a right understanding is the key. Depending what is the critical requirement of a couple, a couple must decide on going for the option.

If a couple is well united and works on the principle of utmost trust and love, being in a joint family set up always can be beneficial. But sometimes even one of the partners is not having the bent of mind to live in the joint family. Here it is important to understand each other completely, giving full awareness and being completely transparent about self. This can make the couple do well in the joint family also. Majorly if the both the couple are able to establish autonomy in their respective families, there is least possibility of any suppression of interests.

Even incase the couple decides to live in the nuclear family, if right perception and right connection is made with the larger families, there can a better bond. Short and sweet reunions can be the best way to keep the family ties intact.

All the living species believe in group living only because it is always advantageous. Only difference humans must remember is follow realistically what works good for them and assertively and lovingly help elders to understand and support them. And work towards keeping the objectivity of love in mind.



This article written by Dr Kamal Khurana working in The Counselling Institute as Relationship & Family Counselor Expert.

Read More

Ongoing communication is what keeps a marriage or any relationship alive

A healthy, consistent ongoing communication is what keeps a marriage or any relationship alive. Let us first begin with understanding what communication is. Communication means the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior. As clear from this definition, verbal communication is only a segment of the interactions we have with the external world. This means that even when spouses are not talking to each other, they are still communicating.

Good communication is vital for any marriage because it helps in building intimacy, lessens the frequency and intensity of conflicts, aids in healthy conflict resolutions and increases overall satisfaction of your relationship. It is the key for a satisfying and nurturing marriage as it helps people in knowing as well as understanding each other’s world.

While aiming to increase or improve communication between partners, it is an incomplete approach to work on only verbally expressed interactions. Here is what all you can keep in mind.

To become an effective communicator, the first step is building awareness. You need to start becoming more aware of your own feelings and triggers, as well as your partner’s. We all are unique and different. So, we like to express in a certain way. Some of us prefer to talk more, some others prefer to observe and listen more. Some feel the need to talk about everything that goes on in their lives and through this sharing, they feel close to their partners. On the other hand, there are people who are more comfortable keeping something to themselves, need time to think and then communicate. What kind of communicative personality are you? You need to be aware! Observe your interactions with others. It is important to recognize the non-verbal messages you yourself are transmitting. You can do the same while trying to understand your partner’s communication style. You can pay close attention to what your partner is conveying through his moods, attitudes, gestures, movements, and actions.

Another thing we need to remember is that more often than not, we give meaning to certain non verbal expressions of the other without accurately knowing what it meant. While sometimes what is being conveyed to us and what meaning we give it is the same, in certain situations it can differ. This can result in miscommunications and unnecessary escalation of a conflict beyond an intended level. Do not make any assumptions about the meaning of certain gestures or body language. Take a step back and observe the situation before reacting. An unusually quiet spouse might imply that something happened to him during the day at work, or he is just tired, or he is trying to let you know that he is upset at something you did or said. It is better to ask what is bothering him rather than assuming a reason and acting based on that. Most of these things just keep happening unconsciously so the only way to deal with them is by keeping a conscious check.

Next comes acknowledgment. Acknowledge the changes in mood, acknowledge the feelings and unsaid emotions that you slowly becomes aware of. Let your partner know that you are trying to be aware of what is going on in his inner world. At the very same time, acknowledge the differences in the communication style you and your partner might have. With passing time, couples tend to adopt a shared communication style which works for them. However, in the beginning one needs to keep making these efforts.

Another important thing is to remember that an effective communicator also should understand when not to communicate i.e. when to withhold certain expressions and gestures if the partner is not in a state to receive those. For example, continuously asking for a response when your partner needs some time to ‘cool off’ or ‘think about it on his own’, is more likely to irritate him, and frustrate you. In such situations, one does more damage than good. Be patient. It works!

Finally, one single thing to keep in mind is that if in your relationship, there is lack of communication and sharing, there can be no better time than NOW, to take initiative and open the channels of communication. For your relation. For yourself.

This article written by personal and relationships counselling expert Divya Baveja. Divya is a practicing psychologist and a consultant with TCI since 4 years. She has done her Masters in Psychology. Her interest areas are in the field of personal and relationships counseling.

Read More

Space and privacy in your relationship

It is safe to claim that if good treatment clubbed with privacy and freedom is what you expect from your partner, then the very same is also what you need to give back to your partner. This importantly, comes along with the clause of needing to accept one another’s sense of individuality. Why this well sorted out theoretical prescription for success in a relationship fails to translate successfully in its practical application is an interesting analysis. What is evident is that, while the giving and receiving of good treatment is all good and hunky dory; it is in the giving of privacy and freedom that the calm waters get unsettling. An independent, free and self expressive partner not only triggers the feeling of doubt and insecurity in one’s mind but in addition may also cause a withdrawal of complete trust. The vital question of being “why so?’ comes. The answer put in simple words is that personal space, privacy and independence in a relationship are often equated to secrecy. Here’s a breaking down the case scenario in an attempt towards further comprehension.

What is personal space and privacy ?

It is common for us to hear a lot of our friends complaining about their partners not giving them enough personal space or not letting them live their lives. But what is this personal space we refer to? A basic understanding of humans as social being tells us that our lives are divided into four quadrants – our career or occupation, our family life, our social life and personal life.

And while the events in our daily life assume different shapes and meanings, these four quadrants remain constant.

Of these, our personal life is defined by the time we spend to fulfill our inner selves, either by way of hobbies, self care or leisure activities. Without question, how we want to lead our own personal lives is our choice and decision to make, depending on our comforts, likes, dislikes and desires.

And since these matters are often private in nature, our personal time in a way also becomes our private time , just as our personal life is in a way the same as our private life.

What goes wrong ?

A day comes when we meet that special someone we have been fantasizing about and waiting for since long. The release of endorphins in our brains makes us go gaga over just about everything. In that special someone and before we know it, we believe we are in love. At this point and all points beyond, we tend to completely give up on our personal life, as we spend most of our time experiencing and obsessing about the newness and excitement in our lives.

A few months down and finally, we feel that something is missing. We begin sensing a lack of space .The roots of this disturbing realization are grounded in us constantly, sharing every small detail of our personal life with our loved ones. Very quickly, our partners feel free to guide us and instruct us on ways we must lead our personal life.

Our partners decisions become our decisions, their choices becomes our choices, their opinions becomes our opinions, but only until we begin to freak out. While our identities begin to get highly influenced by our loved ones, we also begin to develop a sense of lost individuality. And before we come to realize it, our private space feels intruded upon.

Then what is secrecy ?

Secrecy is about hiding the kind of information that otherwise should be easy to talk about between two people in a relationship. And there’s no denying that when a couple in a relationship begins keeping secrets from one another, there is something to worry about. While it is not a compulsion for your partner to know everything about your personal, social or work life, at the same time there should not be any information or aspect in your personal, social or work life that you cannot talk about or discuss with your partner. For example, if you go out with two of your good friends for a casual dinner, there is no reason why your partner cannot know about it.

However telling your partner that you were working late in office instead, or that you went out for dinner with just one friend is necessary.

What is the impact of secrecy ?

Secrecy destroys the basic pillar of any relationship – which is ‘trust’. And once the trust is lost ; relating to the other in the partnership becomes very tough. Truth is, even when there is a great deal of honesty and commitment within a relationship, one instance of secrecy in enough to instill the doubt in the relationship. Doubt in its part is undeniably one of the most overpowering feelings of all, and can emerge as one of the most important decision making aspects in any relationship. Doubt in the end, is what sows the seeds of the arguments, anger outbursts, emotional instability and finally separation.

Is there a way out ?

Anything that has the potential to have an impact on your partner directly or indirectly and has been hidden from him or her intentionally is secrecy. Privacy is when something that does not hold relevance for your partner or has potential to have an impact on your partner is for some specific reason kept to yourself by choice.

For a relationship to work well in the long run, it is important to consciously differentiate between the two and to consciously do the right thing. Alongside, there is a dire need to allow one’s partner to enjoy his or her own personal space. Remember, if someone tries to control your thoughts, desires, ideas and actions or tires to put an end to them – your existence will get choked. To respect the other’s spaces, the other’s privacy and the other’s need for self expression – clubbed with a healthy dose of trust – is what counts in the end.

Dr Kamal Khurana

Marriage & Relationship Counsellor

The Counselling Institute

Read More

Revive The Spark In Your Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful relationship which needs to be nourished regularly and ceaselessly. And those who do so, create an opportunity to get all the warmth they need to live a complete life. Life is nothing but a play between everybody’s challenges and achievements. And in this play, if we have someone standing beside us every moment of the way, it becomes easier and all the more exciting. Marriage gives us that someone.

So, as much as it is important for us to continually provide reasons to that ‘someone’ to choose to be with us; it is equally important that we continually make efforts to ‘run’ this functional unit called ‘marriage’. A marriage is not a task that is completed on the wedding day; rather it is a process that starts after the wedding day. From time to time, the spark gets lost somewhere and, from time to time, it’s up to you to revive that lost spark and rediscover that magic.

The wrongs……

Many of us don’t realize this truth or choose to ignore it. And after a point ignorance leads to a stage where partners begin to drift away from one another. Vacuum creeps into the relationship and it is this vacuum which in many cases abruptly erupts into arguments, fights or extra marital affairs. While there’s a tendency to believe that these consequences are the worst thing to happen to any relationship, they are in fact normal. In other words, these consequences make for the natural law of progression. These situations in a marriage are a call for attention to ‘the lack of life in the relationship’. It’s an indication that partners are failing to relate to each other’s emotional needs. What is unfortunate is that most couples realise that they have reached this stage only when it is too late. What is more unfortunate is that many don’t realize it at all, not at any point, not to any extent. Why? Because all that the couple gets entangled in, is the foolish blame game and see nothing beyond.

Things need to be done !

Love. Very few know what love is. People wrongly misunderstand love to be a feeling of high in the presence of somebody else in life. This is just a very small part or rather an effect of love. Love is simply ensuring with your best capacity that the other is comfortable and ensuring that the other is happy and in a psychological state to progress in life. This commitment, while it may offer a high sometimes, may not at other times. But, when one claims to be in love, there is no room for a single day to pass by without loving in the true sense. Love doesn’t mean that one needs to empty one’s bank balance for the other. It also doesn’t mean that one needs to constantly take time out from one’s work, hobbies, family and friends to spend time with the other. Love is just about remembering and living up to the commitment that will become a reason for your loved one to develop faith in the relationship, to pursue it with genuine intentions and, to stick around only because it is all so worth it.

Let’s bring LIFE in a relationship….

Hundreds of articles on relationships are filled with such ideas and everyone who reads it thinks ‘Yeah, I know it’. This ‘knowing’ is what kills the idea. Because one knows it, the idea is perceived as a discounted thing very commonly knows by everyone. Few are wise to figure that only by doing these common things can be made exciting and relationship can be made to work. Here’s a list of such little-big things that go a long way in bringing back the lost spark in your marriage. Only if couples begin following and practicing these commonly known ideas, the thought of marriage will be treasured with much more fondness.

Rituals of expression

A good morning hug, a good morning kiss, a ‘have a great day Sweetie’, a welcome hug – these fixed set of rituals add more magic to a marriage than one can notice. Set in routine your personal rituals of expression and cherish them. And make sure to never withdraw.

Surprise occasions

Surprise your partner with surprise movies and outings, a surprise day off from work or an unexpected vacation. Get creative and add some spice to your mundane routine. These special surprises however, must be planned for times when they will suit your partner’s comfort and convenience.

Surprise gifts

Who doesn’t like surprise gifts? Yet, it’s always best for gifts to be matching the choice of the person for whom they are intended. So, take care to listen in on and comprehend your partner’s big and small needs and wants. Fulfill them when your partner least expects you to. Even if it happens to be a roadside snack that your partner has been longing for, go fetch it. You will make your partner feel important and cared for.

Perhaps one of the most fulfilling experiences in a marriage is the giving and receiving of acknowledgment for what one does, says, plans and accomplishes. This is all about the ‘feel good factor’ and plays a big role in re-establishing or reviving the spark in your relationship. This makes your partner believe that you listen, that you care and that you most definitely hope for the best for your partner.

Compliments

Compliments are loved by everybody. And they are a hundred times more meaningful and impactful when they come from those who are close to us. Positive feedback enhances self-esteem, which in turn does wonders to keep the excitement in a marriage alive.

Making special occasions ‘special’.

People look forward to special occasions. And special gestures from special people on special occasions, together make for the perfect cocktail for that much needed intoxication that a relationship thrives upon so beautifully.

Taking care of needs and expectations

Doing what the other wants has no replacement. One must do what is in one’s capacity and try hard to be able to fulfill those needs and expectations that are beyond one’s capacity for the time being.

Being there

Because this matters the most, simple expressions such as ‘How are you feeling?’ or ‘Is there something I can do for you?’ or ‘What would you like to do today?’ add that charm to a relationship that is hard to let go off.

Caution:

Important to remember is that there is no quick fix formula. But love never goes unnoticed and always works.

Dr. Kamal Khurana

Marriage and Relationship Therapist

The Counselling Institute

Read More

What is the meaning of happiness for you?

People come up here with different tracks, different viewpoints and different issues with various statements like “He never understands me”, “He reacts so unpredictably”, and with experiences like,” I know things will never go right”. “There is always a new negative incidence that crops in whenever I go ahead and try to resolve the issue and again we land up fighting or arguing”.“I cannot live with him but I know I love him”, “I cannot forget the things of past, I am hurt, how should I be doing that?”, “How should I be happy, by forgetting the past and looking forward to the future?”

But here one thing is common everywhere and that is they all want peace, harmony and prosperity in their personal and relationship dimension, they all want their marriage to work and have the willingness to change for the sake of their marriage.

The answers are simply put in these questions:

-          What is the meaning of peace for you?

-          What is the meaning of happiness for you?

There is no word called “PERFECT” and anything and everything that happens is perfect. Things happen for a reason and our role here is to try to find out the reasons and work towards them.

So, let’s work towards them step by step.

Firstly, if you love him, all the efforts are worth it. There’s always a neutral way out towards a particular conflict/clash and here at “THE COUNSELLING INSTITUTE", we learn to do that. Do what you are supposed to do and accept gladly the consequences and try to figure out your cravings and aversions in regard to that particular situation, as a result in this journey you will find “ME” (the real you).

 This article written by MANASVANI. Manasvani is a psychologist and a consultant with TCI since 4 years. She has done her Masters in Psychology. She has keen interest in the field of counseling, both personal and relationship. Her work revolves around creating an understanding of self in all areas of life and helping individuals enrich their lives. She is a strong advocate of the belief that individuals should work to reach closer to self-actualization.

Read More

Some steps toward fulfilling marriages...

So this seems to be the era where everyone seems to be concerned about the rising divorce rates. While on one hand, it is true that divorce rates are indeed on the rise, it also is true that if the right efforts are put in at the right time, marriages are not only workable but very satisfying. The one thing to always keep in mind is that marriages require constant efforts to grow and develop into healthy and satisfying relationships. Here are some basic insights that will put you on the right track... J

·        Don’t lie

If you feel the need to lie to your partner, think to yourself why? We also lie for trivial matters thinking it is easier, or when we think our partner might not agree on certain things. Lies whether small or big, breed mistrust. Try expressing honestly to your partner. It will save you a bigger confrontation that might happen later.

·        Do not criticize

Criticism comes naturally to all of us. We do want things our way, and we find it easy to just inform the other person what actions of his we like, and which ones we do not. While the intention in our mind is to make people mend their ways a little, the outcome of criticism is the opposite. Apart from hurting the feelings of someone else, criticism instantly makes the recipient defensive and stronger on his position. They will justify and explain the rationale of ‘why I think this is the best way to do this’ or will make them criticize you. It is the way our egos defend ourselves. People genuinely think they are not to be blamed and they are right. Yet, criticism hurts people and their actions never change.

·        Never say okay if it is not

The point here is not to fight for everything, but at the same time, do not just agree to everything only to avoid an argument. Such situations will most often than not, repeat themselves and it will be assumed that you are okay with them. When you are saying ‘okay’ to something, it is giving your partner that exact same message. If you are not okay with the particular way situations are being handled, then take time to convey your perspective to your partner and arrive at a central route which is ‘okay’ to both of you. Any disagreement or difference of opinion can either cause a rift between the two of you, or if handled well, can help you know your partner better and increase the intimacy you share.

·        Learn to forgive and forget

It is easy and very natural to feel hurt because of something unpleasant your partner did or said. When you're hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. Here, it is important to remember that grudges soon turn into resentment and hatred. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. Again, it is important to deal with it there and then, forgive and not harbor grudges for long. Once an argument is over, do not bring that situation or argument again in future arguments. A bad memory can actually help, when it comes to past disagreements!

·        Spend time

This is probably the most commonly given advice and least commonly implemented. While each and every aspect of our individual life is important and needs to be taken care of too, never let anything or anyone take precedence over your partner. No matter what work, household and other responsibilities one has, always take out a brief amount of time everyday to be spent with only your partner.  Engage in some activities as a couple. It could be anything from a conversation over evening tea or post dinner conversations, to a walk to the park, yoga or hobby classes. Make sure this becomes a consistent part of your routine.

·        Awareness of feelings

We are conditioned to perceive situations and gestures a certain way, and then we react accordingly. There are always three versions of a story – your version, your partner’s version, and what really happened. If you really wish to resolve issues and deal with conflicts in a smoother manner, it is important to first, be aware of your own feelings, triggers and reactions and then understand the same for your partner as well. Acknowledging your partner’s feelings will help your partner feel that despite having different perspectives, you understand and respect their feelings. This in turn, most likely will lead to a similar reciprocation. A conscious awareness of the other’s feelings and emotions tends to make you sensitive towards their needs.

This article written by Divya Baveja. Divya is a practicing psychologist and a consultant with TCI since 4 years. She has done her Masters in Psychology. Her interest areas are in the field of personal and relationships counselling. Her work involves personal and emotional well being, growth and self enrichment, where she mostly works with individuals and couples. She focuses on fostering awareness of feelings, thoughts and basic assumptions that underlie human actions in order to create positivity and also helps inculcate life skills to deal with personal situations effectively and constructively. In her belief, all forms of positive growth begin with two things – awareness and the right tools guiding the way.

Read More