Revive The Spark In Your Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful relationship which needs to be nourished regularly and ceaselessly. And those who do so, create an opportunity to get all the warmth they need to live a complete life. Life is nothing but a play between everybody’s challenges and achievements. And in this play, if we have someone standing beside us every moment of the way, it becomes easier and all the more exciting. Marriage gives us that someone.

So, as much as it is important for us to continually provide reasons to that ‘someone’ to choose to be with us; it is equally important that we continually make efforts to ‘run’ this functional unit called ‘marriage’. A marriage is not a task that is completed on the wedding day; rather it is a process that starts after the wedding day. From time to time, the spark gets lost somewhere and, from time to time, it’s up to you to revive that lost spark and rediscover that magic.

The wrongs……

Many of us don’t realize this truth or choose to ignore it. And after a point ignorance leads to a stage where partners begin to drift away from one another. Vacuum creeps into the relationship and it is this vacuum which in many cases abruptly erupts into arguments, fights or extra marital affairs. While there’s a tendency to believe that these consequences are the worst thing to happen to any relationship, they are in fact normal. In other words, these consequences make for the natural law of progression. These situations in a marriage are a call for attention to ‘the lack of life in the relationship’. It’s an indication that partners are failing to relate to each other’s emotional needs. What is unfortunate is that most couples realise that they have reached this stage only when it is too late. What is more unfortunate is that many don’t realize it at all, not at any point, not to any extent. Why? Because all that the couple gets entangled in, is the foolish blame game and see nothing beyond.

Things need to be done !

Love. Very few know what love is. People wrongly misunderstand love to be a feeling of high in the presence of somebody else in life. This is just a very small part or rather an effect of love. Love is simply ensuring with your best capacity that the other is comfortable and ensuring that the other is happy and in a psychological state to progress in life. This commitment, while it may offer a high sometimes, may not at other times. But, when one claims to be in love, there is no room for a single day to pass by without loving in the true sense. Love doesn’t mean that one needs to empty one’s bank balance for the other. It also doesn’t mean that one needs to constantly take time out from one’s work, hobbies, family and friends to spend time with the other. Love is just about remembering and living up to the commitment that will become a reason for your loved one to develop faith in the relationship, to pursue it with genuine intentions and, to stick around only because it is all so worth it.

Let’s bring LIFE in a relationship….

Hundreds of articles on relationships are filled with such ideas and everyone who reads it thinks ‘Yeah, I know it’. This ‘knowing’ is what kills the idea. Because one knows it, the idea is perceived as a discounted thing very commonly knows by everyone. Few are wise to figure that only by doing these common things can be made exciting and relationship can be made to work. Here’s a list of such little-big things that go a long way in bringing back the lost spark in your marriage. Only if couples begin following and practicing these commonly known ideas, the thought of marriage will be treasured with much more fondness.

Rituals of expression

A good morning hug, a good morning kiss, a ‘have a great day Sweetie’, a welcome hug – these fixed set of rituals add more magic to a marriage than one can notice. Set in routine your personal rituals of expression and cherish them. And make sure to never withdraw.

Surprise occasions

Surprise your partner with surprise movies and outings, a surprise day off from work or an unexpected vacation. Get creative and add some spice to your mundane routine. These special surprises however, must be planned for times when they will suit your partner’s comfort and convenience.

Surprise gifts

Who doesn’t like surprise gifts? Yet, it’s always best for gifts to be matching the choice of the person for whom they are intended. So, take care to listen in on and comprehend your partner’s big and small needs and wants. Fulfill them when your partner least expects you to. Even if it happens to be a roadside snack that your partner has been longing for, go fetch it. You will make your partner feel important and cared for.

Perhaps one of the most fulfilling experiences in a marriage is the giving and receiving of acknowledgment for what one does, says, plans and accomplishes. This is all about the ‘feel good factor’ and plays a big role in re-establishing or reviving the spark in your relationship. This makes your partner believe that you listen, that you care and that you most definitely hope for the best for your partner.

Compliments

Compliments are loved by everybody. And they are a hundred times more meaningful and impactful when they come from those who are close to us. Positive feedback enhances self-esteem, which in turn does wonders to keep the excitement in a marriage alive.

Making special occasions ‘special’.

People look forward to special occasions. And special gestures from special people on special occasions, together make for the perfect cocktail for that much needed intoxication that a relationship thrives upon so beautifully.

Taking care of needs and expectations

Doing what the other wants has no replacement. One must do what is in one’s capacity and try hard to be able to fulfill those needs and expectations that are beyond one’s capacity for the time being.

Being there

Because this matters the most, simple expressions such as ‘How are you feeling?’ or ‘Is there something I can do for you?’ or ‘What would you like to do today?’ add that charm to a relationship that is hard to let go off.

Caution:

Important to remember is that there is no quick fix formula. But love never goes unnoticed and always works.

Dr. Kamal Khurana

Marriage and Relationship Therapist

The Counselling Institute