Today’s
stressed up and mechanical metro lives can bring divorce to any marriage.
However, the notion of remarriage after divorce continues to receive sparse
enthusiasm by many. Call it the ‘once bitten, twice shy’ syndrome or a natter
of an ordeal not worth going through all over again – the questions of right
and wrong and yes or no frequently accompany the thought of indulging in
wedlock post of a failed marriage. However, the reality of life is that we all
need a partner, because we as social beings are not made to live alone, both
psychologically and biologically. We need a partner who can be with us at all
life stages and at all moments to share all kinds of emotions.. be it joy,
anxiety, excitement, sadness or anger. And, it is through the sharing of these
emotions that we help each other to grow. Yes, breaking of a marriage is a
serious life event. But life is like water. And like water, life moves on. It
moves on for everything and everybody. What is crucial however, it is for you
to be consciously and completely prepared to move on. Only then, will you move
towards the right direction and in the right frame of mind.
Critical facts:
·
Have you dealt with the trauma of
separation?
Most
people don’t have the courage to effectively accept the trauma of separation
and rationalize their thoughts in accordance. They end up finding themselves in
the blame-game mode, many a times drowning in self blame too. in either case –
such negativity is bound to surface in the next relationship, if not dealt with
properly.
·
Have you assessed your weaknesses?
Divorce
cannot be the doing of just one person. Even if there is one sufferer, he/she
has made a contribution by allowing the other to behave in a way that led to
the suffering. So, even if the contribution comes in the way of a lack in
assertiveness, a lack of awareness or an indifferent behavior; one must
identify one’s weaknesses that helped result in a painful and unsuccessful
marriage. It is advisable to work closely with a professional, to discuss the
matter with an unbiased friend or relative or, to use the help of good
self-help book.
·
Have you taken your learning?
All
experiences lead to some important learning. And it is easy to overcome the sufferings
if we are able to discover the meaning of an experience and learn from it. This
coping mechanism stems from a famous school of thought in psychology called the
‘meaning therapy’ or the ‘logo therapy’. It implies that identifying the right
meaning behind an experience will help to shape the circumstances in the
future.
Going
forward
·
Avoid haste
Our
near and dear ones always want to see us back on our feet and want to see the
picture perfect and complete. Hence, they tend to constantly coax us into
starting a new marriage at the earliest. Remember, marriage is a lifetime
decision sways, does matter. Hurrying up about getting into a second marriage
is being unwise. Patience must be observed even if kids from an earlier
marriage are involved.
·
Be prepared
Remarriage
is a good idea, but only when you are ready. Haste seldom leads to success. At
the end of the day, it is your marriage and ultimately your life at stake. Not
submitting to the desires of the mind and body is essential. Be sure that you
are mentally, emotionally and intellectually ready to step into another
marriage and to accept another human being into your life. Remarriage should be
about knowing what is psychologically and emotionally right for you; not about
finding the right match.
·
Know yourself
Take
time to know yourself better. Make efforts to come out of negative emotions
such as self doubt, guilt and suffering. This is crucial before stepping into
another union. After all, your mental and emotional state is bound to impact
your new partner and ultimately, your marriage.
The
fear of the second marriage turning out to be a failure is a very common
deterrant for anyone who undergoes divorce. However just because things between
two people didn’t click; it doesn’t mean that life will offer us the same
sequence every time. The same sequence or the same situations however are
likely to repeat if one hasn’t successfully learnt the lessons that life
offered to teach by way of previous relationships. If one consciously puts in
substantial efforts to avoid haste, resist temptations, be prepared, know
oneself better and on the whole learn from past experiences; one is headed in
the right direction towards taking the next step.
Marriage & Relationship Expert
The Counselling Institute.
0 comments:
Post a Comment