Does a perfect pair has to do with good looks

Before getting into a love relationship or a marriage, everybody has an expectation set which looks through while selecting the lover or spouse. It is like a matrix based on a lot of facts like looks, attitude, personality, beliefs etc. The objective of this process should be to create a happy relationship that has love, affection, care and respect. But most people miss out on this objectivity and get stuck on the fact of the first level of attraction - Looks. This fact is definitely important because it is like the first door towards the heart, but there are other doors too. The other doors being - likes and dislikes, beliefs, value systems, life goals etc. All these doors are equally important.  Yet if the first door is not open and others are it puts us in a state of dilemma. The basic need to feel attracted will still not be fulfilled and the result is that there is a greater chance that the mind will stray. The problem is only when we don’t have answers or logics to the question “Are looks important or not?”  

THE COMPLICATION 

What Is perfection? Have you ever seen perfection in terms of pain?

If not then just ask yourself – is perfection ever achievable? Or perfection exists in the mind only. Perfection is nothing but a state of mind. What is perfect for you might not be perfect for the other. So this means if you strive hard to reach to a stage of perfection, someone else might find a fault and you need to strive even more. 

Or what is perfect on one of your expectations might not be perfect on other things.

Don’t you think that the time you chase in reaching the perfection got wasted? And wasn’t this wasted time a waste of life that you could have lived? Instead of living a life you kill this part of life by living frustration, anxiety and confusion.

Many people weigh relationships in terms of the tangible criterion of physical appearance. As a lot of philosophers said “You will find what your mind wants to see “, so these people do find the partners as good looking as they expect. Still it doesn’t get them the perfect relationships. And if good looks were the criterion for good relationships then all good looking people should not be parting ways.

So the question still remains “what to do?”

THE WAY 

This pain will always haunt us till we are fixated at parts and not the whole. All relationships start on attraction but eventually they run only if emotions are well related to. This cannot happen if one is closed to look at this aspect. It is important to feel the basic physical attraction in the initial phase, but eventually the attraction will come only with the love, care, affection which is invested in the other. 

While selecting you must spend time to feel the basic attraction and not hurry, but it should not be that you get fixated on the minute details of good looks. As we remember the famous lines “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder” It means that attraction is not a passive state, it is an active state of getting attracted also. You can get attracted to something that you FOCUS on. Also there has to be some attributes of the other that you need to focus.  Just remember your first crush. It is only because you simply got stuck. In reality it has to do with you constantly saying to yourself that you like him / her. He/ she is so incomparable. And so on…… 

When we talk about physical attraction, it is always temporary and only at the initial phase, next being emotional attraction. Emotional attraction is an active state. While getting into a relationship, it is important to consciously remember and remind self that attraction needs to be created by loving the other. When we love we genuinely take care of the other remembering that the other belongs to us and we are supposed to take care and love. Love is accepting the other and just loving without thinking anything else. Only this feeling of dedication can make the other love us and thereby makes the other loveable. Here it is very important to remember that you need to relate to the others emotions because it is 100 % your relationship. And your relationship will be what you make out of it. You can either relate or not. And if the other is not related to you, means you are not helping the other to know how you feel and what you need.  

To be a perfect pair, you need to remember that

                   It is your relationship,

It is your partner

It is your life

So you are supposed to love your partner for you will get the response from the other only when you respond to the other perfectly. Being a perfect pair is an active state, and you need to perfect the art of loving the other. Many people, in obstinacy argue that their partner doesn’t love them; they are not a compatible couple and so on. It is important for such people to stop for a while and ask self whether they have actually been genuine to their partner. Have they been genuine in understanding their partner? Have they been genuine in comforting their partner to the best of their capacity? And above all have they accepted their partner completely.

This article belongs to Dr Kamal Khurana. Dr Khurana is the founder of THE COUNSELLING INSTITUTE which is dedicated to provide people with skills for creating a positive and fulfilling life.